Louis CK rejected Jimmy Fallon, idolized Bill Cosby and made his one and only apology to Sarah Palin

This is the stuff of Stern Show legend. Today, two men with zero need for last names (and zero tolerance for bullsh-t) united. And it was blissful.

Louis may have come on the King of All Media’s show to discuss his FX show, Louie, which premiered its fifth season last week. But he stayed to provide a few uncensored anecdotes about Jimmy Fallon, his unprecedented apology to Sarah Palin and an unfortunate “sh-t fart” incident.

But first, he and Howard had to discuss the recent headlines around the comedian who he says inspired him to pursue comedy in the first place. Louis shared his thoughts on Bill Cosby’s downfall from a comedic legend to something between a pariah and a punchline after numerous rape allegations.

“There is some weird formula there to ask yourself about ‘How many women does it take?’ It’s like how many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Roll,” Louis said. “After awhile, you’re like ‘Holy f-ck!’… It’s like a weather report now. It’s like a dew point thing or humidity: How many Cosby women [have come forward this week]?”

Then, there’s the story Louis told recently about rejecting one famous funny man for being too cute: late night master, Jimmy Fallon.

Fallon auditioned for The Dana Carvey Show back in the day, and Louis, as the head writer, did not want to hire him.

“There are certain guys that are funny ’cause they’re really tapping into something, and that’s why they’re getting laughs. Then there are these guys who go up, and then you hear [just] the girls laugh. And it’s this giggle that has nothing to do with skill or being funny. It’s just that, ‘Oh my God, he’s adorable!'” Louis said. “When a good-looking guy is funny – and Jimmy [Fallon] is funny – you go ‘Fuck him!'”

No worries, kids, he and Fallon are square.

In fact, so are Louis and Sarah Palin. Following his, erm, let’s say “comedic poetry slam” about Palin on Twitter, he had some ‘splainin to do when he ran into her at the SNL 40 after party.

“She came up to me, and she says, ‘I think you’re terrific.’… Something came over me emotionally, and I said, ‘Well, I owe you an apology.’ I’ve never in a million years apologized for anything I’ve said. F-ck anyone else who is offended,” Louis said. “She said maybe if I come to Alaska, she’ll take me fishing. Which I would do in a heartbeat.”

We know it’s tough to think of Louis CK as anything less than a beautiful unicorn in a signature black tee, but he also told Howard he recently had a rather un-glamorous moment. Louis joked alongside Mayor Bill de Blasio at the annual Inner Circle dinner in New York last month – but the real hilarity ensued before he got onstage.

“They had this young guy taking me around the back so I would be a surprise. And I was like, ‘Can I go to the bathroom?’ And he goes, ‘You gotta hurry.’ So I was pissing … I sh-t farted a little into my underwear,” Louis said. “I looked out into the audience, and it’s all these guys in tuxedos. They looked rich …I thought, ‘They are gonna hate this. And I have sh-t in my pants.'”

Don’t worry. We still love you, Louis.

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