25 jokes you won’t hear on our new comedy channel (and 7 you will)

On Aug. 13, a new channel joins the SiriusXM lineup: SiriusXM Comedy Greats. (In fact, it’s part of our latest channel update. For more information, click here.) Comedy Greats, found on Ch. 94, will feature all-time great routines from all-time great comedians such as Jerry Seinfeld, Joan Rivers, Mitch Hedberg, Richard Pryor and George Carlin.

To celebrate? We pulled together a little gift for all the fathers out there: A collection of 25 Internet-dad jokes with which you can torture “entertain” your family. (Of course, you won’t hear any of these jokes on SiriusXM Comedy Greats, because they’re laaaaame, dad.)

  1. Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
  2. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s no atmosphere.
  3. Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
  4. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
  5. What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
  6. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The “p” is silent.
  7. What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
  8. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was great.
  9. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case the get a hole in one.
  10. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  11. Grocery jokes have a short shelf life.
  12. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
  13. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.
  14. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
  15. Why couldn’t the skeleton ride a roller coaster? He didn’t have the guts.
  16. Why did the cookie visit the doctor? He felt crummy.
  17. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
  18. What do you do when you witness a shipwreck? You let it sink in.
  19. I was thinking about moving to Moscow, but there is no point Russian into things.
  20. How did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? It was well armed.
  21. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls!
  22. Sgt.: Commissar! Commissar! The troops are revolting! Commissar: Well, you’re pretty repulsive yourself.
  23. What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? I’ll ketchup.
  24. There’s a new type of broom out – it’s sweeping the nation.
  25. “Dad, I’m hungry.” … “Hi hungry, I’m dad.”

BONUS! BONUS! BONUS! You made it through 25 dad jokes. Here are a seven-pack of classic jokes from comedians you will hear on our new channel as a reward.

Make sure to tune into SiriusXM Comedy Greats on the channel’s launch day, Aug. 13, as Jim Norton will count down the top 25 all-time comedy greats.

Then, starting Aug. 17, some of your favorite comics will reveal their favorite comics. You’ll hear Jim Gaffigan, Bill Burr, Ed Helms and more.

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